It was curious how I assumed Kenneth was asexual. I believed what I wanted to believe. I routinely projected onto Kenneth the personality traits I decided he must have no matter whether or not Kenneth manifested such traits or affirmed my portrayal of his persona. I had not imbued him with sexuality. Was this denial on my part?  Or was this my not-so-subtle way of keeping Kenneth infantile? Did this reflect societies’ tendency to objectify individuals with disabilities?

Most likely, my actions represented all of the above. Remembering a ridiculous conversation with Bob, I’d adamantly objected to the notion Kenneth was gay.

The idea of individuals with developmental disabilities becoming sexually active was disconcerting. Imagine having a daughter with disabilities, with limited cognitive comprehension, how could you protect her from tragic sexual encounters? Past abuses were common as institutionalized women were sterilized without consideration of their basic human rights. Historically, many states initiated sterilization procedures as the only way to control unwanted pregnancies among individuals who were labeled mentally incompetent. At that time, birth control medication was a thing of the future, not yet developed. No other options were available.

In response to rampant human rights abuses, state law now forbids sterilization of individuals with developmental disabilities. On occasion, young women with disabilities, no matter their age, living at home, under parental supervision, may be diagnosed with gynecological conditions endangering their life. Even under these circumstances, a formal court order and legal review is required before medical intervention may be initiated.

Thinking of women with disabilities, struggling with their menses, sexual expression and vulnerability, I wondered how they and their families managed. I’d not discovered any literature covering this subject. Such information passed only by word of mouth, on the job, professional to professional, on a need to know basis, just as the Social Worker did during our interview.

Suddenly, terror seized me. I shivered with revulsion. Individuals with disabilities, with limited cognitive ability, who express their sexuality, are at risk for rape. Who preys upon this vulnerable population? Kenneth was as safe as he could be. His caretakers were state licensed professionals. His abode was staffed, “24/7”, with a variety of people busily coming and going. Unwarranted behavior would immediately be noticed and reported.

Or so I hoped. I mentally reviewed the afternoon’s shift as unsupervised janitors completed their duties room by room. I thought about the night’s shift when lack of staff meant using unknown staff assigned from the communities’ registry.

“Don’t go there!” Words spoken by Developmental Center staff flooded back into my mind. Their skilled counsel provided mental health strategies meant to resolve fearful moments conjured up at three in the morning.

“You unnecessarily scare yourself with your imagination. Although these are real concerns, take Kenneth’s care a day at a time. Don’t speculate about future possibilities. Participate actively in Ken’s care, know staff members by name, and regularly visit him.  Caretakers will respond knowing Kenneth’s a valued member of your family. They’ll perceive him as a significant individual of importance. They’ll all know consequences will be immediate if he is harmed. They’ll pay attention to his care”.

Quieting my mind, finding courage to consider thoughts about Kenneth’s sexuality, I turned these new insights over to my higher power. Leaving Kenneth, I drove home. Only by hanging out with Kenneth, getting to know his daily routine and those assigned to his care, would I possess peace of mind. My higher power had been forewarned, so I could tap into my reservoir of trust.

I was relieved circumstances had rendered our son with developmental disabilities relatively free from these worries. Being unable to talk, walk, sit or stand, he would not be a likely candidate for victimization. I smiled remembering how vicious his bite was. His devious ways of personal interaction and communication would protect him.

Eighteen years of age, his expression of sexuality now would be monitored. Kenneth’s personhood had a new domain, a dimension I had not foreseen. 

Within a four hour interview session, Kenneth passed from child to man, at least in my heart.

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